Alone in my living room. To most, I would seem to be a typical 24 year old obese, self absorbed twit, who enjoys premium cable and the casual high. But I swear, there is more to me than what meets the eye. As self absorbed and self conscious as I may seem, the truth is almost never really truthful, and the obvious even less so.
My cats are sleeping next to me, the kitten sloftly suckling on my thigh as she dreams, and I begin to ponder the rest of my life. To what end is my existence? Where do I go from here? I feel in a constant state of limbo…ever changing and never staying in one place too long. My adult life has been a whirlwind of distraught countermeasures to avoid the ultimate final countdown. The ticking clock of youth slowing seeping from the cracks in my fingers, dripping down my arm and finally, landing on the floor…with the dust and the dirt. There it will continue falling through the cracks in the floor and end up where all things do…6 feet under and all the more grateful for it.
Since I decided, and I say decided because I have learned that ‘adulting’ is a choice not an age, to become an adult and live my life as such, I have made a countless number of mistakes and fuck ups. Mistakes being those life lessons you ultimately learn from, and fuck ups being those choices I want to forget ever making. Deciphering between the two, is a whole nother post completely. Where do all these wrong turns end up? It certainly can’t be Rightsville. When can I finally look into the mirror on the wall and see the woman I want to see looking back at me? When will the life lessons and irreversible fuck ups finally let up, and become those ‘stories you’ll laugh about later’?
The point of this post has no point, and apparently neither does my “Adult” life until I make a decision to man up and change. too bad i’m probably well on my way to becoming a #crazycatlady.